'Happy Birthday, Slick'

Our friend Bill made a very topical birthday cake for our friend Lynn. It was inspired by the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. (The base was cheesecake, coated in blue food coloring. The oil was blueberry sauce.)



The black vial contained Jägermeister, which was about as hard to get anyone to drink as the oil slick in the gulf.



Elliot sympathized with the marine creatures — the cake prompted him to make his lip-smacking "fish noise" for several minutes. Perhaps our children will be better environmental stewards than we were.

Worst Transformer Ever?

Elliot loves this tractor, which transforms...



...into a book about tractors.



I'm pretty sure this transformer would have a tough time taking on Megatron or Starscream (though he could successfully teach them about silage balers and loaders).



Sadly, the book's educational value hasn't really paid off yet for Elliot.

He encountered a tractor yesterday and very earnestly attempted to ride it like so.

A Tribute in Commericals

We lost three giants of the entertainment world this week: Art Linkletter, Gary Coleman and Dennis Hopper.

All three of them had their ups and downs, and all three relied on commercials of varying schlockiness to pay the bills. Gentlemen, I bid you adieu.

Art Linkletter (1912-2010): Contour Chair



Gary Coleman (1968-2010): CashCall.com



Dennis Hopper (1936-2010): Ameriprise

I Declare a Truce

As loyal readers know, I was the first blog in America to point out that Sarah Jessica Parker was confusingly unattractive [citation needed - ed.].

Since breaking this story back in 2004, the rest of the world has followed — kicking up a firestorm of coverage (magazine articles, "Family Guy" segments, redacted IMDB comments). Friends, it's been a heavy mantle to bear.

I think it's time I moved on with my life. Sure, Sarah Jessica Parker continues to get stranger-looking every year. But we're all getting older, and none of us looks like Megan Fox anymore (not even Megan Fox). So I sympathize.

My critiques were never meant to be personal. The complaint was always the cognitive dissonance: that she was presented as an attractive woman to the world, and yet was not. I was most concerned for the children this would confuse. But now it seems the rest of the world has cottoned on, so my work is finished here.

I am officially retiring the "Sarah Jessica Ugly" tag. This will be its final transmission. (Please click on the link and play Green Day's "Time of Your Life" while you read the old posts.)

Icelandic candy? You're still on my enemies list.

'I Understand'

Usually I enjoy spotting inappropriate quotation marks for fun. But with this sign, I can gain some real benefit.



I'm assuming, "No dirty diapers" actually means, "Please have your baby poop on our floor."

Welcome to 'FolSoMa'

I'm not afraid to embrace new neighborhood names. (You may remember when I controversially endorsed using the term "NoMa" to describe the area north of Market.)

So I was excited to learn that our own neighborhood has a new name: FolSoMa (it's a portmanteau of Folsom Street and SoMa).

A San Francisco website called Bold Italic is throwing a fete on Tuesday to celebrate the hood, which I guess they are responsible for naming:

Folsom Street between 7th and 8th caught our eye. From leather to lattes and bike repair to beer, it’s become a destination for neighbors and city folk alike. Raise a glass with The Bold Italic and meet the microhood!

I wasn't aware that "neighbors" and "city folk" were separate groups. Anyway, the event will include discounts and freebies from bars and restaurants, including the new Radius local-food spot and the relatively new Bloodhound bar.

I feel like Elliot's definitely going to have bragging rights at this thing, because how many other people were born and raised in FolSoMa? (I guess he was literally born in Laurel Heights, but let's not dwell on that.)



There's not yet a Wikipedia page for FolSoMa, and in fact, it may be difficult to create one. (According to Wikipedia's guide to notability, a subject has to have "significant coverage" from "reliable" "sources.")

I'm not sure we're quite there yet with FolSoMa. But maybe it's further along than the "I declare him an OUTLAW" meme.

Disturbing...and Wrong

I found this "foam mace" at Target.



If you're going to create children's versions of medieval weapons, at least label them properly. Wouldn't it be more accurate to call this a "morning star"?