The Real Reason to Cut PBS Funding?

Help! I think PBS is giving my son a Canadian accent.

I've discovered that several of the most popular kids' shows on PBS (including "Caillou," "The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That" and "Super Why!") are imports from our neighbors to the north.

That means we have to endure a barrage of "sore-ys" (sorry) and "aboots" (about) — not to mention the relentless storylines featuring snow and ice. [See correction here. -ed.]

Guess what, you culturally insensitive louts: My son has never seen snow or ice, and has no idea what they are. We'd like to keep it that way.

"Caillou" is probably the most offensive. Not only for its Canadianness, but because of its terrible production values.

The animators don't even bother to fill in the edges of the frame! Either they're very lazy or this is a clue that the whole show is just a hazy flashback. I keep hoping a 40-year-old Caillou will wake up and find himself lying on an old mattress in a Jane and Finch* oxycontin den.

Also, what the hell is the dad supposed to be wearing?

I can almost handle the turtleneck and peekaboo cuffs, but I think you'd have to be a West African dictator to pull off those red shoes.

With all the power of Hollywood at our disposal, do Americans really have to put up with this?

This is truly a sore-y state of affairs.

*Note: Jane and Finch is supposedly a dangerous part of Toronto — despite sounding like a shop that sells decorative sconces and porcelain figurines.