Is This Pirate School Even Accredited?

Elliot recently received this shirt.

"Learn how to say, 'Argh!'"?

I think we can all agree that pirates say, "Arrr" not "Argh."

From the International Talk Like a Pirate Day website:

Arrr! — This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. "Arrr!" can mean, variously, "yes," "I agree," "I'm happy," "I'm enjoying this beer," "My team is going to win it all," "I saw that television show, it sucked!" and "That was a clever remark you or I just made." And those are just a few of the myriad possibilities of Arrr!

"Argh" is what Jon says on "Garfield."

BuboBlog Reviews 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2'

(I told you I would get back on the movie-review horse — this is my third in the past six weeks. As always, I post my reviews just slightly too late for them to be of use to anyone. To wit, here's "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2," after everyone has already moved on to "Cowboys & Aliens.")

Well, this it. I've now read the seven Harry Potter books and seen the eight Harry Potter movies. I think on balance it was time well spent, though I never felt like the movies quite captured the excitement of the books. The early films were too hurried, and the later ones seemed to struggle to hide J.K. Rowling's endless contrivances (where's the suspense if every problem can be solved with magic?).

It also occurs to me that there isn't a single line of dialogue from the series that's a bona fide catch-phrase. Eight movies, and no "Show me the money," "Luke, I'm your father," "I'll be back" or "Go ahead, make my day." I suppose at least young people can entertain themselves by reciting the names of spells: "Avada kedavra!"

That said, the final installment came about as close to perfection as the series ever did. It was gorgeously shot, and the special effects finally seemed to catch up with Rowling's imagination. The dragon crashing through Gringotts, the hovering Dementors, the stone knights protecting Hogwarts — they all looked amazing. I recommend seeing the film in 3-D, even though it was a "retrofit job" like "Clash of the Titans." Many of the death scenes involve characters exploding into bits, making good use of the 3-D visuals. Even Nagini the snake — poorly rendered in the earlier films — looked passable here (it helps that the filmmakers cleverly shot Nagini attacking a character from the other side of a frosted window).

At the outset of the film, Professor Snape has seized control of Hogwarts and is running the school with an iron fist (wand?). The children are in uniform and march in perfect formation. It occurs to me that this "Harry Potter" could be reedited to make it seem like Snape is the hard-driving principal in "Lean on Me."

Harry Potter returns to campus after his extended camping trip in the previous film, setting the stage for a showdown with Voldemort and his army of Death Eaters. (Question about the costumes of the Death Eaters: Some appear to be wearing menacing robes, but others are dressed in cheesy street clothes? It gave the impression that a group of soccer hooligans had wandered onto the set.)

Ralph Fiennes finally gets some decent screen time as Voldemort, and he puts in good work. I'm not sure why he had to hold his wand at such a dainty angle, though. He might have benefited from dual wield or at least a "Menace II Society" sideways style. The close-quarters fight scene with Harry Potter didn't help. At one point, it really looked like they were going to make out. I also was waiting for Ron or Neville to shout out, "They're breakdance fighting!"

When it was all over, the film took a very faithful approach to the book's epilogue. In fact, it might have been too faithful. The last line is something fairly specific about the sorting hat. I wasn't sure that was quite the right thought to sum up all eight films and the journey we've taken. But it was a great trip nonetheless.

BuboBlog Rating: 3.5 asterisks (out of 4)

Tree or Cell Tower?

There's this tree on our street in Berkeley. For months, I was certain it was a Verizon cell tower disguised as a tree. (I assumed it was Verizon because otherwise my AT&T service would be better.)

It turns out, the tree is real!

But that just raises the question: If a tree is going to look fake anyway, shouldn't we just replace it with a cell tower?

The Birth of (Infantile) Humor: Part 2

As I've discussed before, we've made a point of teaching our kids the real words for things (including embarrassing anatomical parts), rather than using baby talk.

I had hoped this would give Elliot a certain degree of maturity — and unlike me, he wouldn't giggle when he heard these kinds of words.

Well, it seems like the giggling is inevitable.

The other day Elliot and I were looking at Alice's "Winnie the Pooh" book.

On one page, Roo is giving peanuts to a baby elephant.

"Why is he doing that?" Elliot asked.

"Because elephants like to eat peanuts."

Elliot started laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked.

"Penis."

"I said, 'peanuts.'"

He kept laughing.

"Why would it be funny if I had said 'penis'?"

"Because you can't eat a penis."

Oh.

I guess that is kind of funny.

Baby Born in McDonald's Bathroom

It's often been said that you give birth at McDonald's, but you sell the baby at Taco Bell.

Okay, maybe no one has ever said that, but it appears to have been established by recent events.

Following the attempted sale of an infant at Taco Bell, a Newark, N.J., mom delivered her baby at a Mickey-D.'s.

The child was delivered in the bathroom, so he's a kindred spirit with Alice. Fortunately, it all went smoothly, and the baby and mom are healthy.

As Digital Underground informed us, it's perfectly fine to get "busy in a Burger King bathroom." So you have to wonder how the other fast-food giants are represented in the circle of life.

Is Subway where you go to die?

Out of the Mouths of Toddlers

Spaceship Earth has made another trip around the sun since my last birthday, and so it's time to reflect on my advancing age.

Fortunately, I no longer have to wonder if I'm getting old — I have people here to confirm it!

The other day Elliot was thirsty, so he picked up a glass of water from Kelly's nightstand and prepared to drink it.

I stopped him because the glass had been sitting there for a couple days. "You don't want that, Elliot. That water is very old."

"Okay, Daddy," he said. And then he tried to get me to drink it.

"What are you doing? I don't want that."

"Why not?"

"I told you, it's old."

"But YOU'RE old."

Sigh.

"It doesn't work that way."

Baby Prices Soar 1,667 Percent

Wow, we really must be out of the recession.

Back in June 2010, I noted two incidents of people attempting to sell their babies. The asking price: $25 and $30.

Now there's news out of Washington state of a woman demanding as much as $5,000 for her newborn — at a Taco Bell.

From the Chronicle's Mommy Files blog:

Heidi Lynn Knowles, 36, of Vancouver, Wash., reportedly stumbled into the restaurant and started taking bids from customers for her newborn son. The asking price ranged from $500 to $5,000. The cops were later called and showed up at a motel where Knowles was crashed. She was charged with attempted child selling-buying, a Class C felony, and was held on $50,000 bail.

Now, this woman sounds pretty nuts and I certainly don't condone baby-selling, but why do these people always pick such terrible venues?

In the earlier incidents, the parents tried to strike deals in the parking lots of Walmart and PetSmart. If anything, Taco Bell is worse. The customer base has been enticed there by "Why Pay More" value meals. You think they have $5,000 for a baby?

How hard would it be to wait outside Whole Foods until you can discreetly approach a childless couple in their late 30s or early 40s? The average cost of adopting a baby from China is $19,000 to $23,000. I'm sure they'd jump at a chance to get one for five grand.

Maybe we just never hear about those cases.