Do NOT Press This Button

I've lived in California since the 1980s, and I've never seen one of these before: an earthquake button.

I spotted this in the elevator at the SoMa Self-Storage facility. Now I'm assuming it doesn't actually CAUSE earthquakes. But you never know, so I didn't try pressing it.

Note: This is pretty much the plot of "A View to a Kill."

Elliot's Drum Solo

It's not how well you play, it's whether you do the count-in before you start.

I Should Do What Now?

Back in my day, the expression "breaking the seal" meant taking a long-delayed pee.

So I was a little confused by the message on this U-Haul hand truck: "Don't break your back...break the seal!"

I didn't realize that was an either-or kind of thing.

Our San Francisco Pied-à-Terre Is No More

This week, we finally cleared out our storage facility in SoMa. I guess I never got around to making it my man cave.

When you live without certain possessions for six months, you realize that you don't really need them. Kelly and I both secretly wished the storage facility would burn to the ground or be burglarized. But we had no such luck.

So we stuffed our things in a truck and hauled them to Berkeley.

As I unpacked the boxes, I wondered why we had saved certain things in the first place. Witness this box with a Jason hockey mask (still in its original container), some corporate-finance textbooks and an "Idiot's Guide to Throwing Parties."

That's just sad.

Who Would Buy These?

Sure, maybe it was a bad idea for the Hacienda restaurant chain to compare themselves to a Guyanese death cult.

But in the annals of odd marketing choices, this isn't much better. Apparently the New Yorker is trying to save print journalism by selling really tacky watches.

Talk about misjudging your audience. I feel like these would go over great with a 7-year-old wandering the merch area of Six Flags, but it's hard to think of something less appealing to a typical New Yorker reader. [Maybe a Mitt Romney T-shirt? -ed.]

Can you imagine some tweedy fellow wearing one of these watches while leafing through Calvin Trillin's latest gastronomical treatise? I can't.

Reverse Psychology in Action?

I came across this truck at 11th and Mission streets in San Francisco.

Apparently he's exacted his revenge against taggers by...tagging his own truck.

I guess maybe this is less about reverse psychology and more about a scortched-earth policy. Either way: Bravo, sir.

If You Don't Respect Flavor Aid, Where Does It End?

Since the Hacienda restaurant chain has shown a wanton disregard for brand names, maybe they could use this as their next billboard.

(I know how to use Print Shop.)

As always, my consulting services are offered free of charge.