Parenting Year Two: Lessons Learned

When Elliot turned 1, I wrote about the surprises I encountered as a new parent. Since he turned 2 this weekend, I thought I'd share some lessons about having a toddler.

1. Toddlers are very materialistic: Elliot is obsessed with possessions. In addition to saying "MINE" whenever he wants something, he'll describe objects based on the person they belong to. The iPhone, slippers and purse are "Mama," the BlackBerry, laptop and briefcase are "Dada." (A beer is always "Dada" too...I'm not sure what that says about our household.)

Now, you could turn this on its head and argue that Elliot is less concerned about objects, and more interested in the people associated with them. I guess that would make him less materialistic. But that's probably giving him too much credit.



2. Toddler boys are walking stereotypes: We haven't tried to impose gender roles on Elliot, but he adores trains, construction equipment and other heavy machinery. (Then again, he also loves his baby doll, so he still has a shot of becoming a sensitive male.)



3. Toddlers are narrow-minded: Every woman he sees is a "Mama," and every man is a "Dada." Sometimes when Elliot sees a couple of women together, he'll try to figure out who the Dada is. For a San Franciscan, he has a surprisingly conservative worldview. Human beings should not be defined by reproductive roles, Elliot.

4. "MamaDada" also can be an expletive: One time Elliot fell down and I heard him exclaim this as if it were a curse word. (I guess that's no worse than Monday-to-Friday.)

5. When it comes to the awesomeness of vehicles, the hierarchy goes something like this: Rocketships are most awesome, followed by helicopters, planes, boats, trains, construction vehicles, buses and cars. In the animal category, birds and sea creatures are locked in an epic battle for supremacy — the winner depends on his mood that day. (That's why ducks will always be awesome.) Elliot still hasn't really discovered dinosaurs, which I'm sure will trump everything else.



6. Words with repeated syllables comprise 90 percent of his language: We made an effort not to use baby talk with Elliot, and yet half his vocabulary consists of terms like "numnums" (food), "baba" (sheep), "hop-hop" (bunny rabbit), "yaya" (his blankie), "night-night" (pillow, bedtime) and "she-she" (urination). Why do toddlers have to say everything twice? To make things more confusing, his words for monkey and owl are both "hoohoo."



7. Toddlers are obsessed with water: If there's a puddle, Elliot has to stop and stomp his feet. If there's a fountain, he has to splash around in it. If we're at the beach, he has to run down to the waves. This isn't a shock, of course — who doesn't like water? But as an adult, the level of fascination seems extreme. "It's a puddle...keep walking."



8. Toddlers love pretending to go to sleep, but not actually doing it: Any time of day or night, Elliot will gladly engage you in a round of "night-night." He'll put his head down on the nearest surface and insist that you and his stuffed animals do the same. Beware of actually trying to sleep, though, because his next move is usually to headbutt you.

9. Toddlers want to help you — they're just not very good at it: Elliot loves to feel like he's contributing, whether that means sweeping up, pushing the stroller or putting away his train set. It's touching that he already feels a strong sense of wanting to assist others. Unfortunately, his incompetence just creates more work for everyone. The other day he was using a glass to help water the plants. Then he dropped the glass and it shattered. Not helpful!



10. They understand a lot more than they're letting on: Elliot seems to have a limited vocabulary, so I'm amazed when he listens to fairly complex instructions and follows them exactly. Or when I ask him to point out certain animals or objects, and he can do it with no problems. He just lacks the will or ability to vocalize much of it. Most of the time, he can get by fine with his 20-plus favorite words.

Side note: Sign language is very important to a toddler, even if he's not using the official version. Even now that he can talk, Elliot still likes to say "duck" by doing this.



I recently learned that the real sign for "duck" is to put your hand on your face and pretend it's a bill opening and closing. Frankly, Elliot's version seems clearer.